Todays Back to Blogging assignment is to re-upload a post that you wish more people had read and explain why it was important to you.

This post reminds me that even when you think all hope is lost, when you feel as though you are ready to give up that you never know what lies ahead of you. I experienced an honest to God miracle and I am fortunate to have two very special reminders that no matter what anything is possible.
When I was struggling to have children I felt so alone and isolated. I didn't know anyone who was going through infertility and I didn't have anyone that could understand how much I wanted to be a mother. I wrote this post for several reasons one was to celebrate the twins and the other was so that just maybe someone that was going through a difficulty or struggle would be able to find hope in my experience.

Heckle and Jeckle and realizing that somethings are
meant to be~

The one thing that I always knew I wanted to do in life was be a mom. After years of struggles and issues and having my sweet little Rorie I managed to get pregnant again. However, the universe had other plans and my sweet little angel was never meant to be mine. I still remember very vividly the pain and despair I felt, the loss that still goes with me sometimes. I had never before nor since felt that kind of pain and those closest to me know that I completely fell apart. My life and marriage was in shambles and then September 11 happened and every ones lives were turned upside down, things that seemed important evaporated in the aftermath and something else happened too. Those of us that were on the outside looking in were able to count our blessings and put our lives in order. In November my Husband started talking about trying to have another baby. I was against it, I was still having such a hard time coping with the feelings of my lost little baby, November was when my baby would have been born and I was so afraid to try again. After the first of the year hubs began to bring it up again and I was still very resistant. Valentines day was quickly approaching and Hubs was getting more persistent I told him I had no desire to go through the medicine and shots the rigorous schedules the temperature taking and tracking. So I gave in on a few conditions it was a one shot deal I agreed to try one more time. No medicine, no charts, absolutely nothing and if it didn't work I would never try again. I can honestly say I just knew it wouldn't work, Hubs had the flu and I had no idea if I could even ovulate on my own so I was feeling pretty confident at that point that I would have RoRo as my one and only. This is the point in which God laughed and I don't mean chuckled, I mean fell on the floor rolling around nearly pee your pants laughing, because a few weeks later I threw up and not just once. So of course the husband runs to the store to buy the pee test at which point I was furious because Lord knows I had single-handedly kept EPT in business for years and you can't buy just one so he came home with several. I waited a few days and convinced myself it was a stomach flu until I was late. So I took the tests all of them and the all came out positive. I was in shock and scared. I knew not to get my hopes up so I called the doc and went in for the tests. The first blood tests showed very low numbers so I was prepared for the worst and over the next two weeks I went in every few days for more blood work and on the final day Doc says, I think we need an ultrasound. I thought to myself, here we go again. We got ready, got a baby sitter for Ro and went to the Doctor. I assumed the position on the table and the hubby grabbed a chair and in comes the sweet little ultrasound tech and finds the babies, yes I said babies, there were originally three but there sat in my belly two little heartbeats strong and healthy. Needless to say Hubs nearly passed out and all I could do was cry there they were my two little babies. After a difficult pregnancy and a tense seven months my babies were born my little man at 5lbs and 6oz and my princess Lyla 3lbs and 1 oz. We were so blessed, they were able to come home after only two weeks even though everyone thought it would be months, they defied the odds. In just a few weeks they will be 7 years old. It doesn't seem like seven years. They are amazing little people . They are funny and infuriating, strong and sensitive they are each others opposites. They have balance and they bring us all more entertainment than anyone should have. And each time I look at them I remind myself that no matter how bad something seems, you never know what waiting around the corner for you and that there is so much truth in the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens".




This post is written to play along with SITS and their Back to Blogging event.
If you would like to join in then stop by and link up!

This week, I will be taking a look back at what got me blogging in the first place and get back to the root of blogging and that is making connections with people.
There is a contest to try and win a Turquoise Sky Washer and Dryer from Electrolux. Which I desperately need since I have just gone through my third washer this year!

This event is sponsored by SITS, Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen and Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances.

I've been neglecting my blog. I've been really busy working on my Macaroni Kid stuff trying to get it off the ground, but the truth is that is not the only reason that I haven't posted. I am sure I am not the only one that has ever been through this. You see I have writers block.
When I started my blog I wanted to find the place where I fit in, would I be funny, would I be serious or would I just talk about my life and all the goings on and see what happened. I chose the latter. Then I had to make a decision about what parts of my life would remain private, the parts that I would try not to talk about and so far I had done a really good job. Until now. Now I am blocked. Most of you know that the last few months have been bumpy for me and for the most part I have handled it pretty well and in all honesty things have actually taken a turn and are for the first time in a really long time better than they have ever been. But now I am so full, so full of words, ones I am not sure if I want to put out there but after a lot of soul searching and long conversations I have decided maybe the only way to get through it is to get it out once and for all.
There is a running joke in our house about  how "mighty" I am and that there is no one more "awesome" than me. I know the truth, I am not mighty or awesome I am just a person who had to deal with some really difficult cirumstances and decided that I had two choices, feel sorry for myself and wallow in it or pull my self up by my bootstraps and take care of my business the only way I knew how. So here it goes. Before I decided to write this all down. I talked to hubs and he said it was fine with him. He knows that there is a lot I won't say to him but a lot that I need to get out. You see I am a stuffer, If it's bad or I can't change it I stuff it down and focus on the things I can do something about. It may seem like avoidance but it's not. I just don't see much point in dwelling on things you can't change.

Fourteen years ago I met the man of my dreams and well you know what happens next.  We built our lives had our ups and downs, made babies and did the best we could. Six years ago he took a job overseas. He spent three years there in the desert seeing God only knows what. During that time we saw him around 30 days each year. So needless to say when he got home things were different. The babies that were 2 when he left were now 5 and his little girl that was just starting kindergarten was now in 3rd grade. He was very distant, very quite, he didn't smile any more and it was difficult at best. I knew he had started drinking while he was there and not beer he was on the hard stuff. I thought at first that it would just take a little time for him to reaclimate to the "real" world. He was a functioning alcholic always at work and then once home in the bottle. Never abusive to the kids or put a hand on me. But never really here. I was different too. I had been juggling life mostly on my own and except for my friends it was just me. As the last few years passed the drinking got worse instead of better and in the last month finally hit a point at which I knew we were at the end. I felt I only had a few choices none of which I wanted so I started making plans. Then something happend something I never saw coming, something I knew never to even think about. He asked for help.  He checked himself into rehab and has been sober now for almost two weeks. This is the first time this has ever happened. He has never admitted he had a problem, never asked for help. He promised before he would quit usually to get me to back off or to not leave, but he never stopped before.
It is the one thing I was always too afraid to hope for, too afraid to expect and then it happened. I am very proud of him, but I am also not the same person he met or fell in love with. I disconnected myself from this part of my life a long time ago mostly out of self preservation and so that I would be able to sheild my kids and be a good mom to them. I am off balance. Who knew that this would be so hard. The only thing I wanted for so long was for him to be sober and now that he is it is great. I see that guy I met, the one that used to bring me kolaches and chocolate milk at work to woo me. But I am so scared, what if it doesn't stick, what if he doesn't like the person I am now, what if we find out that we don't have anything in common anymore but our kids.
I threw myself into motherhood and managing everything becuase I felt like I had too, so now how do I take a step back and let him find his place. I know that I have trust issues, I've been hurt and angry for a very long time, but it serves no purpose to put all of this on him becuase it won't change anything, the damage is done. The only thing that I can hope for is that day by day each one of the bricks in the walls I have built will come down one by one and we will find our way back. He is very commited to this and also very overwhelmed, clarity is difficult. I know that it takes a lot of courage to do what he is doing and I also know that he can do it and the way I see it is I've been here through all the rough stuff, I wouldn't dare give up on him now. Now that all the cards are on the table and everyone knows whats been hidden for so long a lot of people have asked me how I managed, how did I stay. Partly because when I got married and had the kids I knew it was forever, no one said it would be easy. I'm not sure maybe it's becuase I am so stubborn, maybe part of me just couldn't give up.
I am not "mighty" or "awesome" I am just a someone who knows that even though we may think that our lives are awful and we have it so bad that there is always someone worse off than us. I also know that I could cry until my arms fall off but the only thing that will happen is that life will go on just the same except I wouldn't have any arms. So that is it. I may seem like the "mighty one" the do-it all super mom but the truth is I am a mortal just like everyone else.
I want to say thank you so much to everyone that has been so supportive to me through all of this without you and you know who you are I wouldn't have made it. I love you all, you mean the world to me!

I would label myself as somewhat of a creative parent. There have been many times over the years where I have resorted to psychological warfare with the kids especially when I am outnumbered. There are times when I have used my humor to cope. I find myself saying things to the kids at times that weren't exactly my moms run of the mill "Mom isms". Admit it we all do it at times, we live in a day and age of kids that are way smarter than us at times and there are just some instances when no matter what you say, you are loosing the argument and just have to find a way to end the conversation. I thought I would make a quick list of some the one I use most from my repertoire so for those days when your feel most defeated please feel free to use a little of my creative parenting if it will help
Please know that all of these are used with a light an sarcastic voice, I love my kids more that anything but I will be the first to tell anyone that I know them through and through for the manipulative little ankle biters they are. So now on to the list:

1. God himself, will not come down on his Golden Chariot and save you from me if you do not do what I have told you immediately..which is quickly respond by them with "Mom God has way better things to do than get his chariot out and come down here and deal with you.

2. So help me if you hit your sibling one more time I am going to be left no other choice that to pull your arms off and bludgeon you with them. Which is again responded with " Well if you do that then you'll be stuck bathing me putting my clothes on for the rest of my life.

3. Because I said so!! This one is sure to get them out of the way, quickly they realize at that point they have lost.

4. Dear God Baby Jesus, this is there Que that they have pushed me way to far and it is best for them to exit the room s soon as possible.

OK so these are just the ones that I had on the top of my tongue. I would love to hear some of your top four or five that you find yourself using quite a bit. I would love to have you link up and share some of your most tried and true Mom Isms with us. I would love to hear what you have to say to your kids from time to time or what were some of your favorite Mom isms that your mom used on you.

I came across this video on facebook today and I thought I would share it with those of you who may not have seen it yet.



If you have time please check out this website as well. Healthy Child Healthy World I myself have started moving away from the more traditional. We recently took Baboo off of all of his ADHD meds and I put him on all natural supplements and I am very pleased to say he is doing very well. I received a wonderful report from his teacher yesterday. We have spent the last two years bouncing from one medication to the other with no success. I know that this is not for everyone, each child is different and each child responds differently to every treatment. But for Baboo, this is working, his ticks are gone, he's gaining weight again, he is focusing and doing very well.
With everything going on I am taking small steps to try to make our environment more healthy for all of us. There are so many things that we can't protect our children from and being able to at least control some of what they are exposed to at home gives me some peace of mind. My kids get upset because I usually make a home cooked meal at least 4 times a week and they just want frozen foods or to go get fast food. Now don't get me wrong, on occasion we definitely indulge. But buying actually fruits, vegetables and meat is actually cheaper than processed. I know that in this busy time it is not practical for everyone. I have found tons of wonderful recipes on line to make crock pot meals, $5 dinners, things that make life a little healthier and simpler. OK so I'm stepping down now. Please take a minute to review the video and pass it along to others if you'd like.

Not much has changed in a few years she's still like this all the time. I know, I'm so lucky!

Well this is getting to be a habit. I am not normally a person that hates Mondays. Mondays are the day all the kids go back to school after a crazy weekend whats not to love about that? Well mine started out fairly simple except for the raging headache I've had for two weeks now, but anyway the twins had appointments with the eye doctor today, they have never had their eyes checked and I thought it would be a good idea. The little man has been struggling in school and it is suspected he is dyslexic on top of his learning delays and right now we have good insurance so I made the appointments and its always easier to do both at the same time than to make several trips. Anyway I pick them up from school and head to town and my stupid transmission starts acting up so of course that makes me crazy. We managed to get to the doctor and I find out that I am a horrible mother. Little R is fine but the little man needs glasses... badly his correction is +1.75 and +2.00 .. he is blind as a bat. I am hoping that this will help with some of the problems at school. I feel so guilty.
I am trying to get a hold of the crazy roller coaster ride I seem to be on, I am making my lists and marking things off as much as I can but each time I mark one thing off it seems like something else comes up. I know, I know .. When it rains it pours, but right now I could really use a bigger umbrealla and if adversity builds character, well I should have enough for all of us..lol

What a busy week this has been. There has been so much going on. Tuesday was my birthday. I spent it running Ro around to the eye doctor and dermatologist, not the most fun thing in the world to do, but it needed to be done and those were the available appointments so we took them. The day ended up great though my nearest and dearest all ended up having Chinese Food together and it was tons of fun.
I spent Wednesday in Houston at the Dr. and getting my MRI done after nearly having a stroke over the cost nearly a $500 copay that is ridiculous, but it had to be done. I was so irritated that I had spoken with the MRI facility on several occasions over the last couple of weeks and at no time did they tell me to bring my life savings with me to get this done. The thing is if I hadn't paid it they wouldn't have performed the test. It is crazy to me that a procedure can cost that much. I had to have with and without contrast of both the brain and orbitals, which is weird because aren't they in the same place? Anyway the total was 6695.00 for both. I am so grateful that we have insurance, we went without it for a while and basically we just did without health care and medications it's so terrible. I'm not going to get into a political debate, but my opinion is affordable health care no matter what. Hospitals and facilities should not be able to charge outrageous amounts for these tests and procedures, you shouldn't have to shop around for a bargain on your procedures. Anyway I'm getting off my soapbox.

I've still been working on the blanket and the weather has been awful. The kids have cabin fever there has been a lot of other stuff going on but that is another post. I'm not sure if its the winter weather or what but the weeks seem to be flying by. I can't wait for spring, I'm so ready for this weather to level out and the sun to come back out.

Ok so Trisha over at Mom Dot has presented us with another great idea. Introduce Yourself to Your Neighbor Day. Sounds fun so I am in.


Hi my name is Stephanie ,
I am 37 for a few more weeks (except all of my amazing coffee mom friends who just happen to all be 33 and 34 have mandated that I get to be the same age as them until we can all be 40 together) So scratch that I am 33 ( humor me)

                                 
I have three kiddos Rorie 10 going on 15, Keegan my crazy little man 7 and his twin sister Rylin the queen of all things.

 

I am married to Roy and have been since 1997 and will continue to be forever ; cause lets face it no one wants either of our baggage.. Just kidding I am head over heals in love with this man that makes me happy, crazy, angry, crazy, takes wonderful care of our family... did I say crazy.

I am one of the few lucky people in this world who can say I met my Best Freind Soul Mate, Amanda who is the amazing, dedicated, hysterical, funny, dependable anchor in my sometimes wobbly foundation 11 years ago.

Through various life challenges and all we have ended up rasing our combined 5 kids as one big family.

I love all 5 of them as if I gave birth to each, they make me laugh, cry, scream, giggle and want to pull my hair out a lot of the time. But what kids don't.

I am addicted to Diet Coke, I love Cheese-Its (to the point that I hide them from the kids so I don't have to share)

I love dark chocolate, I am scared of the dark, I love scary movies but not horror movies, action movies are my favorite.

I love to shop, but not just shop bargain shop, nothing gives me a bigger thrill than finding something I want for 70 - 90 % off.

I love to cook , sew and crochet.

I confess that I am a Twitterholic and I am loving the blog world that I have been introduced to.

I have two dogs Buckley and Ella both labs. We just moved to the country and I am loving every minute of it.

I have a chronic illness, but I am bound and determined to kick its' ass one way or the other.

So thats just a little more about me.

Here we are, a new decade, wow it's funny how time slips away so quickly. I find myself reading up on all the blogs. I know that it's that time..New Years Resolutions but I don't find myself really wanting to make any. It has become more and more difficult for me to make plans and look ahead too far. As most of you know I am hinging on the edge of an MS Diagnosis, I have been avoiding it as much as possible. So I am guessing if I were going to make any resolutions it would go something like this.

1. Learn to take better care of myself.
2. Stop avoiding the inevidable face my illness head on and seek the proper treatment.
3. Work on my relationships with my family and friends.
4. Give the kids more boundaries, stop letting them run the house because I don't have the energy or ability to battle with them.
5. Continue to laugh every chance I get, even when I feel like crying.
6. Appreciate each moment as much as possible.
7. Learn to ask for help more often instead of feeling like I am the only one that can do anything.
8. Even if I don't feel like it force myself to get out and do at least one outing every month.
9. Stop trying to be superwoman.
10. Realize I am not in this alone.

I have been very fortunate. This move has opened my eyes so much.  I am surrounded by wonderful friends and an amazing support system. It is still hard for me to ask for help but luckily I have great friends that don't require instructions, they just jump in and start helping whether I want them to or not.
I am blessed and I know it . I am just having to learn to step back and let go and realize that somethings can wait, everything doesn't have to be perfect and I have so many people that are here to catch me if I trip, stumble or fall.

After a very busy week last week I have finally managed a little time out. Not by choice though. Once again I have run my body ragged so here I sit folding laundry which just happens to be the least painful thing I can do. My mom always says " if you don't slow down, you'll fall down!" So yes here I am admiting that she is right.. for now.
Christmas was good this year, here we are in the new house surrounded (litteraly) by all of our friends and adopted family. The kids were all happy with their gifts even though this year I didn't go all out. We added two new members to the family Buckley and Ella. The kids were so excited that not much else mattered. 
The best gift I got this year was everything, the laughter, and giggles sprinkled with hugs and kisses.  I am working on my "space issues" and the hugs are getting a little easier. I am still working on my New Years resolutions, trying not to give in to my strong impulses to resolve not to resolve.  The list is long and I am trying not to chicken out and only put the ones on there that I know I can keep up with. 
I am looking forward to friday, one of my best friends is coming for a visit. I haven't seen her in years and I was so excited when she called and said she  was coming for a visit.
The kids are going to be out of school for another week and a half so hopefully I will keep hanging on. I've been trying desperately to keep the house pickedup to no avail. I am not sure what it is about a clean room that makes the kids want to mess it up. I was so proud yesterday looking at my last basket of laundry to be folded. Ahh but the munchkins had left me a surprise in the much hated built in laundry bin in the house that I keep forgetting is there, 4 more loads of dirty laundry, oh the joys of having kids who change clothes 3 times a day and only use a towel once! Now if only the laundry fairy would hurry up and get to my house I would be doing great!