Tuesday, November 3, 2009

To snip or not to snip?

OK so I have been growing my hair out for a while now. Part of me says I'm going to donate it, part of me says I'm just too busy to go get it cut. But now I have a problem. I'm stressed and most of the time when I am stressed I take it out on my hair. So I am trying not to be impulsive and run down to the cut n dry and have it all whacked off to make myself feel better because I am pretty sure it would make me feel worse. So I am going to try something different I'm going to try to write it out.

First, my family is in transition right now, we have been going down a path for a few years and now that just doesn't seem to be working out so it's time for a change and we are busy looking at options and waiting on responses and frankly it's driving me crazy. I have patience, but I hate not having any control at all over things and right now everything is out of my control.

Second, I have finally decided to let someone go once and for all. I actually decided it a while back but I am still dealing with it. Its hard to grieve for someone. This person didn't die but has been dead to me for a while now and I know that sounds terrible. But my reasons are pure, this person is toxic to everyone they have ever encountered. They have hurt everyone around them and they have used anyone they ever thought could do something for them and after a few years I just want this person out of my life for good. No more dropping by unannounced, I don't want to know what goes on in their life and I don't want them any where near mine. I have never been a cruel person I have always tried to help anyone who has ever needed it regardless of if they ask or not. I am just so tired of being angry and disappointed. I am tired of hearing about their "perfect" life that they have built on the backs of everyone they have ever screwed over. I am tired of hearing about their "perfect" family all the while knowing about the family they abandoned without a second thought. Frankly I'm just done and if that makes me a terrible person then that's something I just have to live with but one thing I am not is fake and I can't pretend to agree with or even sit in the same room with a smile on my face with a person that has left so much destruction in their path.

Third, My person is having surgery soon. She has been waiting so long for it and she needs and deserves it but I'm worried. It's fairly routine but I still worry. She's my person and I'm supposed to worry about her, I know that she will be fine but still I worry.

There are a slew of other things that are making me crazier than normal going on right now but these are just my top three. I know that it will all level out, I know that whats going to happen is going to happen and there isn't anything I can do about it but still I worry and stress. So here I am desperately trying to resist my urge to chop off my hair, I know it sounds crazy but it's the one change I can control so still the question remains to snip or not to snip?